carchickblaze's JournalMonday, January 29, 20074:19PM - Eh dayThis is one of those days. I'm still rolling with the crappy guilty friendless feel I got to wallow in yesterday. Me and Tony still doing great. I haven't quit exercising and I can feel some of my old energy coming back. Bad news: Mom has decided she doesn't want me to drive to Annapolis to see RC even though I soooo want to go. She doesn't think I should miss school. Whatever I'd only miss one Anatomy class and I have a 100% in there right now even though I don't study or hardly read the chapters. God Bless Mr. Truty for actually teaching me things in 12th grade anatomy physiology. Well I'm not done trying to convince mom and I want to get Molly to go with me if she can. Maybe (hypothetically) I/we could drive up Friday morning, settle in hang with Rach Saturday and Sunday and Monday morning (3 day weekend yay dead presidents) and drive back Monday afternoon. Get back at like 10 or 11. Then mom won't have to miss work Tuesday (when I normally watch the kids) and I won't have to cancel my 2 massages for that day. I've lost a friend too, possibly two friends. One is my friend Brandon, or ex friend. He's liked me for a long time but he's really not my type and I knew for sure it wasn't going to work out so I never would go out with him. Then when I mentioned Tony he flipped and told me that he couldn't deal with only being friends with me so we couldn't even be friends anymore. My respond, being upset as I was consisted of little more than "Fine be a jackass, when you decide to not be a selfish ass call me. *I hang up*" Which probably isn't the route I should have taken but I couldn't help it. Then later that night I was online and I was talking to Greg and Tony. Tony told me to tell Greg that one of my out of town friends wanted to talk to him and gave me an email to give him so they could chat on MSN. I argued for a bit because I hate being in the middle of such things but he wouldn't just drop it and since he said he was just going to mess with him a bit I went with it. But he's an idiot and is very good at pretending to be a girl. Once I noticed the direction Greg's reaction was going I told Tony to fess up. He did. Greg got uber pissed at me for aided in the idiocy. So I then got offline to wallow in my guilt since Greg wouldn't forgive me and went on my lovely tagent to myself of how I kill any kind of relationship, friendship or more, with the success rate of the world's highest paid assassins. I haven't talked to Greg or Brandon since any of the drama. I know Greg hasn't officially ended our friendship or something but I know I killed what trust was there. Just bad timing for all of it. Well if you love me give me a call. talk to you later Wednesday, January 24, 20074:16PM - Disgusted with myselfI haven't been this annoyed with myself in a long time. I should be happy and I was up until about 10 minutes ago. I got a boyfriend. I've lost 6.5 pounds after sadly reaching my alltime weight high 2 weeks ago. I'm starting to recover some of my old self confidence. But no I can't just let myself be happy. I was on MySpace and noticed that a guy that I had a very short and deranged relationship of sorts has gotten a girlfriend. It shouldn't bother me that he is happy but it does. Majorly. How dare such a jackass get happiness. And why wasn't I good enough to give it to him. I know it's stupid and I'm trying really hard to just forget about it or to better yet be happy for him but I'm having a very hard time with it. I wish I had a McDonald's grilled chicken bacon ranch salad. Or ice cream. Love you all. Hope you're all doing well. Current mood:  depressedSunday, September 24, 20065:03PMToday is not good. I feel just kind of blah. I'm sick of hating myself. I wish I had some confidence. I got in a fight. I lost. Probably because I didn't fight back at all. I'm now sporting a cut up neck, some fun bruises and my left leg hurts to the point that I have to concentrate on not limping. Its just one of those days that I really wish I had enough money to move away and start over. Maybe I should go live in Kentucky. Monday, July 31, 20067:44PM - *sigh*I find myself annoyed. My friend Jeremy wanted me to get some ice cream and have my cartilage pierced after work tonight (which I had already planned on doing). I called my mom to ask so she wouldn't think I was dead if I came home a half hour late or something and as a response I get yelling. Lots of loud yelling about how inconsidert I am for even asking. This is because evidently I forgot to do the dishes. Let me add in the fact that the reason I did not do them was because I was doing her laundry, cleaning the rest of her house, watching her children, even took them out to the beach which is an ordeal with small kids because she didn't want to do it herself because it's too much of a pain in the butt. Then she won't let me come home a little late. I hardly ever go out and do things with my friends and I've watched those kids pretty much every day since their birth. I am the one that gives them chores and their allowance. When dad tells them to do something they look at me to see if they should. They called me mom when they were little. I am the only one that cleans our house, takes care of our animals, takes the time to pay all the bills, works just one day shy of fulltime and cooks half our meals and I can't go out with my friends. Hence I am not really annoyed, I'm pissed. Sorry for the rant. I'm done. Bye. Monday, July 3, 20063:24PMHi darlings, 2 days till my bday. I'm psyched. And it's 4 days till Sean comes home. I think I'm going to the mall tomorrow morning, not sure with who. I was thinking Britt or Rhi-Rhi but if they are too busy I'm going with Jeremy. Which might be a wee bit odd since I haven't hung out with him since the lots of drama that went with going out with him but we used to be really good friends and since he has a girl friend now, he won't be interested in me and we might be able to get that friendship back. I'm getting 4 tattoos. Yay me. Well I have to get going. I love you all! Sunday, June 18, 20063:12PM - Things everyone should know1) Mini golf can cause injury. Current mood:  blahMonday, May 8, 20067:45PM - HelpFew updates. I'm evidently marrying Sean. Rhiannon is pissed at me because I confronted someone that was supposively talking shit about her. Jong-min is a dim-wit. I want to read more of The Gift. I hate school. I'm going to fail Contemporary World Problems. Prom is in 5 days. I'm planning my graduation party and I need Greg, RC, and Rhiannon to reply and remind/tell me when theirs are. That's it for now. Much love. and James get your ass online. Monday, May 1, 20064:15PM - curious1. Your Full Name: 12:20AM - Yelling makes it better.Hey kids and squids, long time no post. But the important thing is that I'm back. If you truely missed me I'll make sure to get you a really good Christmas present this year so it all works out. In theory we have a new reader. He's a paintballing, funny, cute, musically talented, really good writer.... no I didn't make him up. OkCupid actually paid off, I'm not sure if it was in the way that Cupid is supposed to work but if not I always enjoy another friend. Too bad I didn't meet him awhile ago or I could have guilted him into being my prom date so I could avoid the long prom walk alone. Well it about a half hour after midnight and I have to get the kids ready for school in about 5 and a half hours but I doubt I'll sleep soon. A.) I have people to talk to and B.) I have projects I'm avoiding. Yay senioritis. Not that I wasn't always a procrastinator but it's to a greater extent now. I wonder if anyone else finds emoticons as funny as I do, except the crying smiley. Hmm I wandered off of topic not that I think I really had a topic. Well today I did the normal work thing. I had a key card thrown at my by an irate customer. After work I went and hung out with Rach T. at the river because she was sad. We yelled, we ran down hills, we danced on rickity picnic tables, it was generally a good time. Well I think I'm done for now. Much luv! |
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